Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Name is Mud

The image to my left is how Batman used to be seen. In the context of this next post, I suggest we see him that way again.

And here's why:


Every movie you ever liked growing up as a kid (Dune, Robocop, Halloween, Escape from New York, etc) is or will be remade into a new movie, a movie for the "MTV" crowd. The emo kids. The whiny little brats who think their lives are so bad and really aren't that bad at all.

How the hell does Batman doing the watusi fit into all of this?

I think they should bring back or remake the Batman TV series, campy and all. It's not like we don't have dancing movies (Step up 2 the World, Stomp the Mountain, Stick it to the Server), and it's not like we don't have Batman movies. Why not combine the two?

I'm sure Channing Tatum would jump at the chance to play Batman. But for the sake of campiness, might I suggest a bloated out of shape John Travolta?

For posterity's sake?

You see, I'm in a reflective mood. The comic is still shaping up (hopefully) and the screenplay is being re-imagined (a Hollywood term for a rewrite or overhaul or adding and subtracting). My reflective mood is brought to you by the bastardization of all I cared about as a child. GI Joe is a trumped up ridiculous film being directed by the guy who made a piece of shit in Van Helsing (some of the worst special effects since they were conceived) with the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun playing Cobra Commander.

The baddest of the bad from the Cobra side played by the kid who saw Angels in the Outfield.

Is this as bad as Michael Bay taking a shit all over Transformers and raping them by including GM Cars (and only GM cars) as the Transformers themselves? Is this as bad as having Optimus Prime saying shit like My Bad Dawg! and Fo Shizzle?

There was a photo online recently of Sienna Miller (WHORE) from the Joe set, and she is playing Baroness. Baroness, in the comics, cartoons, video games, cereal tie-ins, EVERYTHING, had black hair, glasses, and looked very European. Think Famke Jansen from Goldeneye. In the picture, she had long, flowing blond hair and was crying. Not wearing black leather. No glasses. No gun. Crying with long blond hair.

2009 presents the worst rip for GI Joe fans ever: I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I can only hope that they remake Robocop, have Martin Lawrence play him, have it be worse than any blaxsploitation film ever was, and have him turn into a helicopter that fights crime only against black people. Then my childhood will be completely destroyed.

Oh, and the villain in this mightily fantastic revamp of one of the best action movies of all time? It would just have to be Ben Savage of Boy Meets World. I mean, at least he was in Little Monsters.


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