Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Fear and Loathing in Overland Park pt 88

Let’s forget for a second that it’s the New Year. Let’s forget the idea of resolutions.

Let’s forget all that nonsense and look at something this blog has looked at since the very beginning.


The idea that a change is necessary to keep your own life on an even keel.

That idea, that change is necessary, that change is a part of your life, that is something you are going to see in new and interesting ways everyday. Every single day leading up to the inauguration and every single day until people stop thinking about their New Year’s resolutions and jaunt back to McDonald’s instead of going to the gym that day.


You see, it’s been awhile since I’ve been here and I have very good reasons for that. A lot of them are personal, but all of them deal with changes that are going on in my life.

Changes that I have started in my own life.

Things that once upon a time I was waiting on them to happen, now I’m making them happen.


You see, this year, 2009, could be a good year for me. But it all depends on me. And I’m sick and tired of people acting like change is all about what they can get from other people or what they can do for other people.

I’m sick of it.

Change is all you. It’s all on you to do the things that you want. Life is all about what you want and who you and what you should be doing and not about what other people should be doing for you.

But society shows us that we are supposed to be selfish and believe that we deserve things from other people. We deserve for things to be handed to us just like they’re handed to people in television reality shows and just like they’re handed to athletes and beautiful people and people who win awards or people who win the lottery.

It’s not.

Society is not going to ever hand a bucket of money over to you. If you live to be a million, don’t for a second think that something like that is going to happen in your life.

Because you’re deluding yourself.

But if you stop for a second and start being a little selfish, in a different way, you might actually be able to make the change you so drastically desire.

It won’t be something related to your city. To your church. To your little small swath of society.

It will be for you.

So be a little selfish. Take a look at the resolution that you made this year, whatever it was, and be realistic about it.

Are you really going to win American Idol? Or lose 130 pounds by standing still and doing nothing for yourself?

Are you going to become a movie star? To get a different job? Travel the world?

You’re not going to if you’re sitting there and reading this right now.

So get up and do something for yourself. If you wish to keep reading, I’ve got more things to say.

Change comes from within. You can talk about how you want to change the world all you want, but until you do something in your own life, you may as well give up now. Because it ain’t going to work.

I will be the example of what I’m talking about.

This past year, I made a few drastic changes to myself.

I stopped wearing glasses. Big deal.

I started shaving my head regularly and doing drastically different things with my hair every couple of months. Whoopdeedoo.

I started writing again. Which you all certainly know.

I started getting tattoos.

I moved. Again.

But see, these are all minute things. Changes that we all go through. Changes that we may all want to do but never find the time to actually do them.

I started finding the time. I started writing and now things are changing with that.

I’m finding a small slice of celebrity out of something I didn’t expect to turn into anything other than idiocy and a time-waster, but I undertook this small blog almost a year ago and here we are, still kicking and screaming.

My goal is to hit 100 once the year mark hits. So I will continue writing.

Beyond that, my writing has taken new forms. Forms that I always followed but never had any success in, because I kept to them, I am finding small slices of success.

I am going to San Diego in July for Comic-Con because of something that I am a part of and I am going to Santa Monica in March for the CUT! Film Festival, for another thing I’m a part of.

It’s all gravy at this point.

But see, this is me being selfish.

I knew that I wanted something different in my life, so I never gave up. I wanted to lose weight, in 3 months I’m down 40 pounds. I wanted to change the way I dressed, I started dressing more like myself. I wanted to do something different and now I am a part of something so completely strange and exciting that I still can’t wrap my head around it.

But I wanted that change and now I have it.

What change do you want and to what degree will you go to achieve it?

One of my friends is moving to Chicago for his wife and her job. His change will be big, drastic, exciting. And friendship will suffer to a degree because he is moving there.

But that is a change that doesn’t mean a death knell.

We all go through these changes. Small, large, extensive life-changing events and small little things that are so small you may never even notice them. But they’re there.

You just have to know where to look.

Right now I’m telling you that you don’t have to think about the outside world when someone asks you what you want to change. Think inside yourself first. Be the change first. And then, and only then, can you achieve any sense of change outside of you.

That’s the idea.

Be your own change and the world will start to react to that. In however a small fashion, the change will come.

You just have to know where to look.


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