Monday, June 15, 2009

Fear and Loathing in Overland Park pt 109

We're back. We're trying to make this a more often occurrence, so let's talk about Star Trek. Let's talk about my hatred of Star Trek and how it continues to grow.

It continues to grow as days go by and it has something to do with the new film.

I wouldn't go so far as to say hatred. I guess that's the wrong word. More a distaste. Boredom. Sheer who cares.

That's it. Who cares?

So as the movie starts rearing it's ugly head, getting closer and closer to it's release date, I can't shed the thought that I just don't care.

The trailers seem overwrought. Over-epic. Everything is so important and so completely breathtaking that I just step back and ask, who cares?

Just like the new Angels and Demons, who cares?

I'm in the mood for entertainment. I want to go and have fun. I don't want to go and see Simon Pegg on screen for 15 minutes. I want to see him as the star of the flick.

I don't want to see a spaceship ram another spaceship for 2 hours. I want to see people using their noggins and actually thinking of new ways to fight.

Seriously, didn't every episode of Star Trek essentially boil down to a big car crash, every single episode?

You know which Star Trek I liked?

Picard's crew. They were the badasses. They didn't take shit from nobody. They came in, used their heads, and actually did shit. And they fought the Borg. Not some pussy ass who passes as an alien because he has weird tattoos.

Today, that would pass as the guy downtown with the face tats who brings a video camera into movie theaters and no one says anything to him because he has face tats.

I'm not scared of Eric Bana in this film.

Eric Bana in Funny People however...

It seems like this is the summer of who cares. Hollyweird doesn't really have that many movies that are appealing to my instincts.

To my love.

The only major releases left that I care to see are The Hangover and Terminator Salvation. I think. I could be wrong. Those are the major releases I want to see. And here's why:

Hangover has Zach Galifinakis. Been a fan for a long time, have seen most movies he's been in (Bubble Boy, Below, the list goes on). And really appreciate the fact that he's in a major release coming out to major theaters that people will want to see.

He gives beard-growers everywhere someone to look up to without having to go and search the history books.

He's right alongside Bradley Cooper who I don't mind and Ed Helms who I downright like but there is one other thing I'm looking forward to in this movie. Besides Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins.

It's the Dan Band.

If you don't know, just find them on Youtube.

Now Terminator, it goes without saying. I have my reservations. It's directed by McG. A lot of people are going to see this to see if they can spot Bale's on-set meltdown.

Me? I grew up in the world of Terminator. Just like GI Joe and Transformers (both movies look like utter dogshit and I will get to those soon), Terminator 1 and 2 still sit on the shelf of badassness that came in my childhood and made me want to emulate these badass characters.

But then they made a sequel that had only one redeeming quality (the ending) and it made me want something to wash the taste out of my mouth (sadly, the TV show did not accomplish this).

The closest thing to a good Terminator we've had in a long time is the comics, and they've only been midway between good and shit. Some good. Some horrible. None completely insane.

But watching the trailers with the Day the Whole World Went Away by NIN playing in the background and Christian Bale with his Bat-rasp voice, it just gives me goosebumps. It excites me in ways that Star Trek bores me.

It makes me want to plop my ass in the seat.

Now besides Up which I will see and one other movie that I will talk about in a minute, nothing else appeals to me.

Could give less than half a shit about Angels and Demons. I've never read the book, will never read the book, saw the first movie and spent the whole time laughing in the theater, and I think it's safe to say we all know my thoughts on Catholicism, Christianity, and organized religion in general. Ten bucks says I guess the ending and villain without seeing it.

Harry Potter? Yawn. Just be over with already. You have no idea the sheer happiness that will flow from me once those movies are no longer being made and once Twilight is done too. It will just make me jump for joy.

Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo. Can anyone tell me what the movie is about? Revenge of the Fallen? Who cares? All the preview wants to show us is robots punching and flipkicking other robots. Megan Fox's fox. Massively self-important shots of Shia Ledouche going away to college. I mean seriously, do we need those shots staring up at him as if this is the most important event in history? He's going to college. Who cares?

Then there's GI Joe. One movie that will find my hatred welling up at times while I try to reminisce about the good old days when Government Issue Joe was a real American Hero and not some stupid global terrorist unit.

Now I know, a movie about a Real American Hero wouldn't sell in China or North Korea. I understand that. The logistics make sense.

But why is GI Joe Team America? Is this the big-budget live-action remake? Because that's the sense I get when you show "Cobra" melting/destroying the Eiffel Tower and just out and out looking like bobble-headed morons. Oh, and the team wears NFL Superpro/Iron Man costumes? When did that happen?

They make them Six Million Dollar Men and Iron Men all in one instance? The only thing I can make of that is that's the only way to make us believe that Channing Tatum could ever actually fight terrorists, with the assistance of technology and assistance of special effects. He can't dance in this one folks.

The movie looks like dogshit. Pure and simple.

There are other movies that will gather my ire. I'm interested in Inglorious Basterds, not sure if I care much about it but I will see it. There is one movie however that interests me. One that I will be finding any way possible that I can.

Hell or high water, I will see Moon.

Starring Sam Rockwell. Kevin Spacey. And a whole hell of a lot of space all around one tiny spaceship and one man going nuts.

Low-budget sci-fi. Big brains. Big ideas. A man on a 3 year space jaunt and is being sent back to Earth.

This film interests me for a lot of reasons. Namely, it stars Sam Rockwell.

That should state everything you need to know, but Spacey is the computer, his only friend while on the moon, and the movie just makes me want to smile.

People don't make movies like this that often. It will probably be hard to find this movie in KC unless one of the smaller theaters gets it for one week's time.

But if you lined this up against the big budget idiocies due out this summer, I will be more inclined to see this than Transformers. Or GI Joe. Or Harry Potter.

And most certainly more than Star Trek.


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