Friday, April 25, 2008

Fear and Loathing in Overland Park pt 10


"Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, 'Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that.'"

-Jack Handy

There is a storm brewing on the horizon. I can see it. Feel it. I understand that it might be on its way for me. For what purpose does this storm appear?

To destroy me? Perhaps.

To bring about change? More likely.

To molecularly affect our outlook on lives? One can guess.

But for what greater purpose does the storm come. I can sense it, with every ounce of my life, the storm seems to be consuming me. The growth of the storm burdening me with these changes.

Solar storms occur quite naturally in nature, as do all storms, but the solar variation on the storm can cause massive changes. Magnetic fields can be affected. Blackouts and satellites can be damaged because of them.

So what if this storm is affecting all of us in similar ways, only internally? What do we do if this storm is here to destroy us?

On the way to the Company this morning, I felt something pulling inside of me. Something strong. Something deep. Something that didn't want me to step foot outside of the homestead. A deep-seated grief or fear was engulfing me, and to struggle would give me no needed power or push.

So the storm wrapped around me as I stepped foot outside. Clouds became my articles of clothing and rain my emotion. My banana yellow auto couldn't be seen, no matter how bright it was from the recent wash. I couldn't see ahead of me, only inside.

There was something seriously wrong today.

"The fishermen know the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore."

-Vincent Van Gogh

There was something seriously wrong today. But I trudged forward.

Onward, ever onward. Moving forward, not backward. Spinning my arms like a top in a tornado. I was moving and my speed was growing exponentially. I grew as the storm.

I was the storm.

I am the storm.

I am the change. I am the change overcoming me. I am the storm that has encased me in this deep shadow. I have embraced it and will move forward throughout my person to enable a change throughout.

Every revolution begins within, and if I am to be the storm of change, so be it. I will bring the or to the masses. I will change the Company and the things I don't agree with.

I will not believe the lies I am told. And neither shall you.

I finally made my way to work after this glorious realization and my eyes remained open. Tired, but open. Would the day be the same? Would it have similar struggles as before?

No. I can't allow that. Won't allow that. There are so many things I can feel now. I can feel the change within me. I can feel it trying to burst free. So I will allow it. I will allow it to become me and me to become it.

I will never run from the truth but rather embrace what I know to be true and demand the truth at all costs.

The visions have set me free. This is the beginning of something more. Something. Or...

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head."

-Mark Twain


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